The Longest Summer is soon to be over

Summer has always been associated with reading and a slower pace of life in general for me. I had summers where it has been always gray and rainy, end of which marked a once-good friend's return to Antalya and burning the bridges of a possible academic career. The weather affects some people more than the others, even if you're among the spiritual ones who believe in the inner climate's effects on the outer. If your inner light is on, it can stay on regardless of the weather outside, right? Well, nope! :)

After experiencing incredibly frustrating delays at the airports in early summer, I decided to spend it in California and not fly at all, period. I managed it quite well as we're about to say goodbye to October, which makes it 4 months of non-flying, which is nothing compared to the time spent socializing with yourself and your pod(!) outdoors for almost 2 years. 

California as one of the biggest states of the US has a lot to offer for all kinds of people unlike the common belief that it's only for the rich. God has been very generous with it sparing the occasional natural disasters that remind people of their mortality and vulnerability regardless of the statistics or the power of the economy that California boasts about. So many small towns by the coast are to me previews of what Paradise might be like in another dimension.  Ventura, Santa Barbara, Ojai... you name it! 

I met several people who declared mental bankruptcy in California (born and raised or came for grad studies and for business, stayed for 2 decades at least and then crash boom bang!) They cannot even stand it, which is a clear indication of not taking good care of their inner climate and searching for places to escape elsewhere. What a privilege! You cannot imagine the number of young people who run to the East Coast for college and then off to explore the rest of the world after getting their diploma.

I don't come from a background where I can have the luxury to say "I've got a nice place to retire and spend the rest of my life in a small shack" (California has very simple and small houses too). Do you? I was rather pissed off when someone whom I met at the Berkeley Public Library happened to like me a bit too much and kept on communicating. I finally had to say let's give a break to these 'exchanges' especially after listening to his queries about moving to Turkey if Trump wins the elections the second time. I witnessed other liberal people with means who prepared their escape plans -mostly to Europe- if Trump got reelected. The less adventurous ones with small kids to Canada. The problem is it is clear that they are not watching the local news and the intellectuals of the culture that they're hoping for a new start. Sometimes, they are so blinded that all I can do is to listen to them and keep quiet about the content matter.  

There are many advantages of straddling between two cultures and continents if you can be at home in both or neither.  I am far from romanticizing it but I can also identify rather quickly people who have not lived or worked abroad from the ones who did. Bonding with the ones who chose to remain afloat with loose but strong roots (like waterlilies maybe?) is easier for me in comparison to the ones who cling on to one particular culture or identity as they cannot feel at home in multiple places or keep an everlasting longing or nostalgia (and that really drives me cray!):)

I'm on my way to the Bay Area where I've always felt at home despite the fickle weather. I will probably get teary again as the plane lands on the SFO and I take out my clipper card to beat the rush hour traffic and the forced dialogue between the uber driver and I. Aylin is the only friend who never lacks uber-driver stories and always tips them generously regardless of their attitude. 

I cannot believe the sun season is over and I don't want to leave the sunny and slow pace of life, that is my extended summer of 2022. No need to talk about business or failed or aborted job applications that happened within the same period of time. It was summer after all and so many people are still in post-covid-recovery period. There is envy if not confusion when I tell people that I'm working while traveling and as a free-lancer. I know it cannot continue forever but... One never knows!  If you love something you love it never feels like "work" anyways, does it? 

Boulder and Nature

After multiple postponements here I am in Boulder, Colorado. I am being hosted at a stunning house whose owners have money and taste for its indoors and outdoors decoration, the ideal combination for beautifying the world and one's own wellbeing. I am happily refilling the bird-feeders and eating fresh raspberries on daily basis that ripen so fast that I'm having hard time keeping up. There is something incredible about picking the fruit right on the spot whose delight never fades for someone like me who grew up in a city and watched fruit-picking from animation movies and other TV series for children. 

I told the other day to a colleague that some people are generous at heart, period. This generosity relates mostly their non-attachment and healthy religiosity, basically to a worldview. Unlike most people think, it is not necessarily connected to the amount of wealth that they inherited or accumulated. Unfortunately, I met several people (well educated and impressive on their resume!) who justify their weak generosity by not having enough money. I don't buy the argument.

I had the pleasure of meeting Tom Shepard here in his state of origin! In  the previous blog entry, I mentioned two new friends and he is the second one whom I wanted to talk about. Tom and I met thanks to a common friend who also supports refugee rights and stories with a special focus on LGBTQI+ and thus I got to watch Unsettled first, and then met the director, the wonderful Tom! Here is an artist who is sensitive and knows how to listen to people. Furthermore, he is more than his art in this world. He made an extra effort to get out of his -what some envious lips might call- comfort zone in San Francisco and established a documentary film school for the underprivileged youth:https://www.youthdocumentary.org/ in Colorado Springs. Even this initiative by itself was more than enough for me to have admiration and respect for him for the rest of my life. I'm so happy to have him as a friend and am looking for a possible collaboration for future.  It was so generous of him to drive to Boulder and make sure that we have the most satisfactory time catching up and making plans for the future so that his skills as a film maker can extend beyond the US borders. 

The place I'm staying at is only 3 miles to the heart of the downtown (Pearl Street) and is an easy access via bus (10-12 minutes). I'm drawn to its name: Wonderlands as it does feel to me as Wonderlands that I'm beamed up by the Divine Power.  Power and beauty of Nature here is inexpressible so I will not try here but instead be present in it and cherish every moment.

In gratitude. 

An International Film Festival and Colors of Life

Fortunately, there are times in life when the word serendipity feels very tangible and warms our hearts like fireworks did when we were kids. They are through meeting people whose texture and stances in life match yours despite the seeming discrepancies across cultures, generations, and languages. You find yourself retelling your life story in fragments as the story is getting longer and even if it is interesting for others, to you, it might sound like being on the verge of becoming stale. Yet, you make the effort for these special people because of what you see in their eyes and the ways they listen to you with their whole being. Isn't it harder to make close friends or partners-in-crime as one ages no matter how gracefully? Then, we need to value more and protect them more carefully.

My return to the Bay Area has always been rewarding. My very special connection to San Francisco, the cool gray city of love (Gary Kamiya's book title!), might have begun as a romanticized construction but after my very first encounter with it in 2005, thankfully, time provided more than enough evidence that transformed this construction or dream into a steady and sustainable reality. 

Two new friends: a journalist-author and a documentary director. I will try to express the first one's impact on me as an ever-growing so called adult although the main part of this entry is still about the movies that I saw in the past 3 days. I can't remember the last time when I saw three movies in a real movie theater in such a compact time but it's been two decades since Flying Broom International Women's Festival in Ankara (2002). Step back 7-8 years and there you can see myself and a few friends at the Istanbul International Film Festival:) 

Lindsy is around 70 yrs old, a news reporter who covered everything from major political campaigns to New York’s hooker underworld, interviewed all the celebrities of the eighties and nineties that you can think of from Bill Clinton to Oprah to Margaret Atwood, Susan Sontag... She coined the phrase "bra burning" to describe a feminist protest but due to the permit refusal of the demonstrators, the Undies Immolation never happened! The phrase stuck and L hopes that it's not her most lasting contribution to the popular culture:) She is one of the most transparent, well-traveled and generous women that I have ever met in my life. Sassy and kickass  at the surface but no matter how many F-words she uses as long as she has those innocent child-like eyes and humility, she is unlikely to intimidate people even if she wanted to (or maybe IF she really wanted to... she might?):)  I need to spend more time with her in public.

L feels both like one of my alter-egos and lost-and-found mothers of the second-wave feminists that I still adore and follow (arghh the backlash scares me!) Reading her book on the fluidity and richness among sexual orientation of women took me back to my PhD years at York, the oldest and still one of the most progressive women&gender studies programs in the world in this specialty area. Do I want to revisit the past as a no-regrets person whose imagination is filled with future plans and fantasies no matter how crazy they are instead of nostalgia and/or the reconstructed sepias that are leftovers of therapy sessions?

In my mind, L overlaps with the Lebanese grandmother character in the movie I saw yesterday as part of the San Francisco Film Festival: Costa Brava, Lebanon: They are both feisty and outspoken. Which brings me to the International Film Festival, yay!

SF Festival Highlights: I didn't see you there is a documentary made by Reid Davenport. I can't recall another documentary which depicted frustrations of disability in such an artistic and memorable manner with occasional touches of humor. The use of music and the shifting contrasts from the gray urban/concrete realities (officials, strangers, flight attendants) to green nature, gardens and family encounters in Connecticut) are the keys for the success of the film. When the camera angles change even in the middle of downtown Oakland, one can enjoy the bright blue sky and the beauty in the spiders' webs, transgressions that remind the audience of a beyond-body presence. Layers of feelings and associations make the documentary an excellent piece of work for discussing the politics of disability in any classroom (just ignore the F words or drop a fashionable trigger statement on your syllabus :) Reid Davenport is an approachable and courageous person who is willing to talk about his work and life. 

Nothing Compares (Kathryn Ferguson’s documentary) is about the life and the career of Sinead O'Connor, the bitter consequences of challenging the games of music industry (especially in the U.S.)  Ferguson brings her back to life. I asked the other (younger and Californian) guest of the house I'm staying in SF whether she has heard of Sinead, and she replied no. I don't think anyone who has seen the eyes and heard the voice of Sinead O'Connor will have difficulty of remembering her. She is one of those rebels who genuinely doesn't care for fame or money but happened to get it due to her talent and the circumstances. I had some issues with the documentary (hence the reason for linking it to a critical review) but if your main figure has that angelic face and those piercing looks, you begin at an advantage as the director, no? 

"Nothing Compares to You" didn't get the permission to be used in the documentary to the whole team's shock and the director told us that they got the news at a very late stage of the documentary. The audience get to learn everything about it but never hear it (and you want to!) It a breakup and mourning song but unlike most of us thought, she sang it with her mother in mind, the cruel, abusive mother which Sinead is not shy about criticizing (Prince wrote the lyrics).  She manages to explain the reasons behind the mother's issues but none can cure the scars that left Sinead broken for the rest of her life.  Sinead didn't expect the tears fall down but they did and it truly captured the audience (I for one remember it very vividly!)

The mother-daughter non-bonding or failure in a healthy bonding is a serious matter that affect millions of women one way or another across the world. I used to make it an issue as a teen or college student, but after recognizing the collective and intergenerational struggle behind the lack of communication or displaying love, I let it go, and it was a relief to say the least. Unlike most women around me, it saved me time and money where I could redirect energies to better causes in this limited life time than navel-gazing and blaming and whatnot. The trick is to see each other as individuals too and to acknowledge the huge number of women with mother-issues in comparison to the ones who are in a smooth and strong bondage(!):)

When the documentary ended, the moderator told us that there was no time for Q&A but we were welcome to come down to the stage and interact with the director if we want to so I did. I had to ask her why she didn't acknowledge Sinead's conversion to Islam 4 years ago, which was a bold and unexpected announcement to make (not that Sinead would care, I guess). My question arrived after initial intro and congratulations so I am pretty sure it landed OK:)  Kathryn Ferguson paused a bit and said there was a lot about Sinead that it was hard to pick at the end as written statement on the screen (you know the ones that summarizes 'what's been happening since XY' because the time is up?) But "Isn't it a major event in one's life?" I asked, and that she even changed her name but that too went unmentioned. She got away with it smartly that 'maybe we should go back and add a statement':) Is it possible? I need to ask my director friend now whom I am to thank about informing me on the film festival in the first place.

I am happily extending my stay here and I hope that it is leading me to a better path.